independent

i think i can do this.
my mom offered me $100 for every C i get up to a B.
and I think if i focus on that enough, i can stop focusing on him, and just move on with my life.

i mean if i really think about it......how good are we together? eh, we're decent. but destined to be? nah. a slim chance. he doesn't even like theatre. and that's my passion. at least i'm open to his passions. but he has never been to one of my shows.

and the person that i need.....just needs to love me back....and needs to understand me and understand that i vent a lot and get stressed and just needs to be there for me and be able to say the right things. and i'm not saying he never did that, but sometimes he didn't or it just wasn't up to par. which is understandable because he has his own shit. but...idk. i didn't feel as great as an effort. i guess that's the whole different levels of love thing going on.

even though i say this, just thinking about him and his new little valentine still pisses me off. but the more i think about it, the more i become apathetic. because it's just gotten to the point where it's annoying now and we'll just see what happens. especially when she finds out what happened between us, which i'm sure will happen just cuz he deserves to tell her. if he doesn't, he's even more of an ass than i gave him credit for.

so we shall see. right now, i'm just content.