content

I feel content. Well, actually, some of this has changed in light of the fact that school is back on. I'm already feeling the stress, especially with progress this Friday. And if my grades aren't good enough, then I won't get to do water polo anymore. Which will probably be hell on Earth.

I probably shouldn't party. Or at least, maybe do it more often. Because it just takes me a few days to recover....I didn't really remember a lot of what happened in school last week. That probably isn't a good sign.

Ever since I've befriended Claire again...I've been pretty happy. I mean she's someone I can really talk to now and kind of relate to and understand because of things that she went through with her guy. And just Friday night...geez. I love nights like those. When I feel like I can just do anything I want. It was a lot of fun. And i was pretty proud of myself for not once thinking about calling him when i was "under the influence". Which could be a sign....
And I really don't care that this guy won't text me back...I mean it was kinda a one night thing. And apparently he's pretty dumb when it comes to girls...which is pretty familiar to me. Hah. But I like that I met new people. I love doing that.

Sometimes I still go back and I worry about him. Just because he's still close to my heart, being one of my friends and all, and I like talking to him...when we don't get into fights. But I like knowing that he'll be there for me....and likewise, I for him. I just have to be careful...but so far I feel pretty strong. Like I can totally do this without having feelings for him. I just have to move on. Though, the majority of people don't think I have, I'm working on it.

Right now, I'm immersing myself in happy thoughts, and trying to get my portfolio together for college auditions in the summer.

eek.

if you knew i was dying, would it change anything?