the boy of my dreams.

Seriously. I met him. It's awesome. And I miss him a lot :(
I hate how he lives in Colorado.

Even though

he used to be my best friend, and my first true love, and the person I wanted to tell everything to, when I received his everything-but-cheerful Facebook message, I felt absolutely relieved. Okay, that's an overstatement. I felt pissed at first. But you know what? I'm happy. I'm happy we've just decided to not even communicate anymore. I mean obviously, he thinks I told his girlfriend. But that's not true. Guys (especially him) don't realize that girls are actually smart. Hear that? Girls are intelligent. We can put two and two together. We can tell when you are lying, we can tell when you are cheating, and we can definitely tell when you are being an asshole. Though, some of us are attracted to assholes, it takes a crap load of unnecessary drama to finally come to the revelation that we don't need you, we can deal with ourselves, and we don't deserve the bullshit you put us through for months or even years.
So this being said, I am blissful. Life couldn't be better. Well, if Madison were still my friend, it would definitely be better. But other than that, everything is good (*knock on wood0). I'm going to ITF next week with some of the coolest friends I have, and I'm going to join with hundreds of other students around the country that share my passion: theatre.
It's scary to think that I'm auditioning for colleges. Sometimes I still think that I'm ten years old just dreaming about going to college. But now it's almost here.....I mean hey, I still have one more year. But my senior year will probably go the fastest out of all my high school terms. Where has the time gone?
I know I've said this a million times, but this time I know that I mean it about 150%: I am over him. I love my life. And I can finally move on. He's a piece of crap of a boyfriend, and I can definitely do better.
♥summer '09 :)

expansion of thoughts

Let me start off by saying that out of all my friends, I probably respect Kevin's opinion the most. This is because of his maturity, experience, and his understanding of me and my complications.
So the minute when I told him the situation, and his response was "that's stupid. That's not your fault" I could breathe easy. Seriously, you don't understand the relief I felt when Kevin justified my thoughts and everyone else's.

Okay, I really need to work on my portfolio.
geez I can't believe I'm auditioning for colleges next week.
Scary stuff.

Jank

Let me give you a run-down of probably the jankiest weekend of my life.
It all started on Saturday night.....

I went to Claire's house prepared to spend the night and probably party it up. We ended up going to some sketch kid's house with all these other sketch kids. They all pretty much went to the Academy. We only went because she wanted to trip. It was a pool party. I then discovered that the host was a dealer and has dealt to a few people I know. So, I bought a gram. Then continued to smoke a bowl with my best friend and the dealer.
We then continued to Sexy's where Claire dropped me off so she could go to a grad party where Keegs was and I smoked from a chillum with Bams, Sex and G. And then sat around the porch with G and had a heart to heart while smoking a Black 'n Mild. Claire returned with Keegs and we smoked a hybrid bowl of three different types of weed. Then the girls had to depart and we stopped by the BK lounge cuz I had the munchies bad. And then went home to fall asleep. Where I then had a dream that Bams had two little indian brothers and the eldest, Ratash, died.
Weirdest fucking dream of my life.

Sunday was normal. I guess. I was a little out of it. But later that I night I went to see The Hangover with Adam. We held hands. And kissed. It was refreshing. I guess. Then we smoked a grape cigar in the parking lot of Ronnie's. Like I said, jankiest weekend of my life.

Yet is was still in my top ten weekends of all time.

♥Summer '09.
I want to expand on other things but I will do that later.

so...

I'm pretty sure everybody in France hates me right now.
Yet everyone in the states agrees with me.
This situation is confusing and stupid and I have nothing to do with it.
What am I going to do when Claire leaves?
Luckily, here is this week's time line:
Hill comes back on Sunday.
Claire leaves on Monday.
French kids come back on Thursday.
I leave early Friday morning.

So any fights I will have will either be through texting, or not until July. Hopefully, there won't be any. But there most likely will be. i hope I don't lose my best friend because I love her. This whole thing is stupid.

♥

Thank you.

Thanks for everything.

Lost a friend today.

So i got bored...

and
www.twitter.com/MarcyBarbeau


yeah.

so my best friend is pissed at me

and I feel like I should really care. And I feel like I should be sick to my stomach and apologizing profusely.
But for some reason, I'm not and I don't.
I just don't care anymore. Everything that happens is from actions. You brought it upon yourself. If karma comes back and bites me in the ass for it, then it's my fault. I accept that.
Right now I'm just focusing on being happy, my ACT on Saturday, and living my life.

I'm going to the movies with Adam B. sometime this week, and I'll probably hang out with Michael and them sometime too. I will hang out with Claire before she leaves for Germany, and I'm gonna go to parties too. I'm going to start doing what I want.
But I do need a job. Because I need some moolah.

Peace, Love, & Freedom. ♥Summer '09


love has the chances like a carnival goldfish.

Dear marcy,
That shit you got from tristan was the shit.
fuck im so high.
hahahah i wish other ppl were here
tristan is sleepy.
dude balckberyry
-Marcy

Girl's Night In

with a possible appearance by the Polo boys.

This is exactly what I need. Every since I found out about that betrayal, I have been stressing. I need a smoke, and I need to get tipsy. Bring it on.

Girl therapy here I come.


When you risk it all for love only to watch it fall to dust,
You can't help it to feel as if love has the chances like a carnival goldfish.
If you believe in love, it lives.

and of course

my happiness is overturned by the news of my best friend making out with my ex-boyfriend in Paris. Excellent. This is perfect. Every time I'm happy.....it always gets knocked down as fast as possible. What kind of bullshit is this?

message i was going to send him, but then decided to take the high road:
you are such a jackass.
you make out with my best friend and you don't even have an excuse like being drunk?!?!!?!
so now you've cheated on her three times.
i'm so pissed. i know i shouldn't be but come on.
that's my best friend.
and i know it was partly her fault. but what the fuck.
you better tell your girlfriend.

despite

the vomit on my carpet,
the decent mess I need to clean up,
the smell of beer in my house,
the smell of ass in my house
the left over alcohol that needs to be drunk tonight,
my lack of sleep, my lack of food,
and the crap load of beer cans formed in a pyramid on my table right now,

I could not be happier.

Almost passing out to the sweet voice of MGMT.
Chillin' to some Matisyahu.
An amazing time with friends.
Love summer '09 :)

i might be a little drunk right now.

summer of love

That's what I'm planning on for this summer. Maybe not the summer of romantic love, but the love of friendships, fine food, shopping, and just having fun. So far it's been a little mehhhh (i know, good adjective, right?), but hopefully Friday will make all the difference!

Yet again, I'm going to talk about how disappointed I am with myself and my lack of concert attending. Missed the Yeah Yeah Yeahs last night. Ugh what has gotten into me. Maybe it's because I don't have the moolah to get tickets. But oh well.

Party my house on Friday. You are invited [ahem, Kevin, since you are the only one that reads this hah].

eyes are blind. you have to look with the heart

Ah. How I love summer. Today was boring, but all the same, it was nice to know I don't have any papers or homework or studying to do right now.
Though this bliss will end eventually. I have to work on my portfolio for my college auditions in a couple of weeks, and I should probably start thinking about my extended essay topic for IB. I need to go to WashU's library eventually with everyone else to research. But that doesn't start until like July, so that's good.
I'm upset that I missed The Decemberists concert last night. I totally forgot. At least I hadn't already bought the ticket. But I heard they were spectacular and I'm quite crestfallen about it all.

I'm having a party Friday night. And probably Saturday night too. It should be fun. :)
I need to convince my mother to let Riz take me to Carlyle this weekend so I can finally sail. Hooray!
I will miss all my friends going to France. I hope they will be safe :) I envy them. And it makes me miss Europe so much. I want to go back to Spain and go to a Flamenco show, or walk around the square. I want to go back to Morrocco and stare at the beautiful sea.
I miss Kenya so much. I miss all of my friends there, and all of the people. I miss the shopping there.

Sometimes I wish I could just get enough money so I could be one of those people who just live in Greece or Italy or London and have a flat there, and work in those areas. Europe is amazing because you can travel all around it because it is so small. That would be prime. It would be prime to work for a theatre in London or even Vienna. I know I will study abroad definitely, but the idea of living there indefinitely is intoxicating.

I am re-reading books. Like the Twilight series and the Harry Potter series. Sometimes it is tedious but that is okay. Still entertaining all the same. I need new things. I try to read Wuthering Heights but the beginning just gets to be so....boring to say the least.

Oh well. Viva la Vida.